Thursday, October 22, 2009

Bag Clip

So how long has it been?

A week?

  Two weeks?

   It doesn’t matter because all I have on my brain right now is the god awful smell coming from my shoes! 

Imagine you are sitting in front  of your computer jamming out to Cisco Kid and all of a sudden Shitston,  The  Shit Monster from planet  Nombre*, which happens to be in the smack dab middle Shitamida comes up and punches you in the nose with a brick formed out of different  variety of shit from different shit producing animals around the universe.

The would be a close comparison to the funk I am basking in.

It hurts.

Things that I have noticed Today.

  1. My voice was not designed for singing.
  2. No matter how hard I try, my polite attitude at work is completely transparent.
  3. My room still hasn’t cleaned itself.

* I think that's French for shit

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

20268 98232

I was going to dedicate this rest of my evening to sharing the thoughts and feelings I have accumulated over the last several days, but I have wasted it on youtube once again.

Good job Keevy

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Position In The Weak.

I don't have much time, and I don’t really anything to talk about this morning, except that it is Thursday! 3 cheers for that. 

You probably knew this, but did you know Thursday was was named after Thor? In Old English, it is pronounced “Þunresdæg”. Meaning “Day of Thor”.

 

Now you know.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Sparkling Vanilla

It is 4:45, I am tired, cold, and sore.  It is raining outside, and Bret Favre is a large basket of pickled dicks! Not to mention I have an intense case of heartburn. 

So, just 20 minutes ago. While I was taking a shower, I got shampoo in my eyes, and just like any other morning, I had to take my shower blind.  So while I hang out in the shower not being able to see anything, I use my hands to find the soap, and my shark lufa and get the job done.  Of course after that I would tell myself “Hey you know what? I Think I could handle being blind. At least during the mornings.”  Feeling good about my little confidence boost, I used my sense of touch and find my tooth brush and paste.

I hold the tooth bush.

I squeeze the tooth paste.

I completely miss.

Saturday, October 3, 2009

Poor Fools Though I Was A Bush.

Today is Friday, and for the first time in seven days I feel pretty good. I own a pair of  headphones dubbed “The Skull Crusher”. Which is a fitting name  because they are giving me a morphine drip dose of  skull  crushing.

Not literarily of course.

Westboro Baptist Church come to town today. Along with a handful of other things, they are bitching about a play being held at Stephens.  I can’t remember the name of the play, but it was about that gay kids who was tortured and left to hang on a fence to die.  I think, that’s how it was described to me anyway.

Christians are crazy as hell.

There are things about me that I cherish, including patience,  my  Sylvester Stallone impersonation, and my alone time when I am taking a dump.  Because of this I do everything in my power not to use the faculties at work.

To many variables working against me.

But today was a horrible exception. After about 2 hours of fighting the chronic discomfort of bubble guts I bit the bullet and decided that the fight was pointless. 

So, as I briskly walk towards the locker room, paying close attention  to the placement of my feet, do to the greasy floors, and my noncompliant  footwear.

I cant remember where I was going with that, but the basic skinny of this story was a dude was taking a dump in the stall beside me. afterwards I couldn't figure out who it was because I didn't work with anyone that had the same shoes as the him.

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

I Aaaaaaaaammmm!

I know, Its been a tiny little bit. Believe me though,the last bunch of days have been “hell on earth”. 

To bad its old news, and I don't feel like telling you about it.  But I will bring up one thing that I have noticed.

I noticed in the last couple years, there have been an abundance of visible butt cracks on women.  In addition to that, it still always catches me off guard. Its like a little midget jumping and screaming to get your attention, but when you  turn to look, you just see is the little fucker reading a book.  It drives me to utter insanity.

 

I have doodles!

DSCN1411

Its a WIP. And believe me, that is exactly what I look like.  Some kind of mix between a Tolkien dwarf and Harry The Hammer Arm*.

I don’t really have much to say, just wanted to testify to the fact that I’m still alive.

For now. 

 

 

* My arm reminds me of a hammer

Thursday, September 24, 2009

E.F.U.T

I have recently purchased  a brand new hoodie, and let me tell you something. The amount of comfort it provides is nothing less then pandemonium * 

While hauling goods across campus yesterday, I saw, what I assumed  was an art class sitting outside drawing landscapes, i.e. buildings and stuff. That was enough for me to go crazy and actually begin praying for some higher force to come sweep me up and deliver me home so I could do the same thing.  It was depressing.   Of course, 6 hours later, I come home, and decide I’m to tired and my brain couldn't possibly function well enough to endured a session of drawing.

  I have a million ways, to convince myself that I am not lazy.

  I intend on doing some this weekend though.  If nothing else, just to see how much my skill has fallen.

 

* Hurray for big words.

Do Not Use For “Wish To”,”Want To”, Or “Prefer To”.

Good morning.

Rain showers early with scattered thunderstorms arriving for the afternoon. High 71F. Winds light and variable. Chance of rain 60%.

256

I can’t stand the morning, were it feels like 7 hours of sleep amount to  sack of marbles. Although in spite of that, and the fact that this day has a higher probability of sucking, I'm not going to let it bring me down.

Early mornings rule!

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Don't Give That Which Is Holy To The Dogs.

First things first, and this must be seen by everybody.

Do you know who Stephan Pastis is?  I bet you don’t.

He is the creator of seven year old (and still growing) comic strip Pearls Before Swine. 

You have the name, but why would you care?  Because, you are an intelligent, open minded individual that is constantly looking for more thought provoking Material.  Mr. Pastis offers this with a big musty bag of peanut butter and jelly fights*.

This is what you should do.

  1. Click this > http://comics.com/pearls_before_swine/
  2. Read it.
  3. Lean back and feel good.

Optional but recommended steps.

  1. Click this > http://stephanpastis.wordpress.com/
  2. Read it.
  3. Appreciate that fact that people still go out of their way to try to make your day better.

 

*  Refer to Slap The Coke, and Enjoi The Joke

(Capital “A” For “After” If First Line Is Omitted)

Good morning.  Partly to mostly cloudy with widely scattered showers or thunderstorms possible this afternoon. High 71F. Winds NNW at 5 to 10 mph. Chance of rain 30%.  It is early, and I am tired.

My new alarm clock Rules by the way!

255.6

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Never Anticipate The Possible Gains.

There are a lot of things that can be said about me. Although, I never permit is being called “unuseful”. Because its not a word. According to the red squiggly line.

Thank you

I used to box for Oxford.

Oh boy! holy shit, how  shitty has my last couple days been?

Shitty enough to block it from my memory, and as a result, I don’t have anything to tell you about.

Let us see.

Cloudy with a few showers. High 69F. Winds NW at 5 to 10 mph. Chance of rain 30%.

255

Last night when I was laying in bed, I felt like listening to A Perfect Circle, but now that I am up, I’m not really feeling it.

See you in Hell.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

259

Blogger informs you of the date, and time. Therefore, I shall tell you the weather.

Sunny to partly cloudy. High 77F. Winds NE at 10 to 15 mph. Tonight, Partly cloudy skies. Low near 55F. Winds NE at 5 to 10 mph.

Today is Friday, and with any luck at all, I can actually sit down and tell you about some things. That sounds awesome, but I wouldn’t bet the farm on it.  Haha. Nobody reads this. see you in eight hours.

Now it is Sunday night, and i have some shit to tell you.

Tomorrow

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Lights In The Sky.

Drive to work today.

Take Rangeline or Sixty Three.

Haikus are stupid.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Never Fly It Upside down Except As A Distress Signal.

    You may or may not have known that I am quite a fan of movies.   So to make things more concrete for me, I am going to write down a list of movies that I have not had the privilege of seeing, but graciously look forward to.

  • Persona

  • Vertigo dangerous

  • The Bicycle Thief

  • 3 Monkeys

  • Sessions Of The Mind………….              (maybe)

  • L'Âge d'Or

  • The Big Sleep

  • The Seventh Seal

  • Viridiana

  • Das Boot

  • Lawrence Of Arabia

  • North By Northwest

  • M

  • Box Car Named Desire

  • The Sting

  • Peanut Butter And Jelly Fight*

There are tons more, but I’m done with imdb right now.

More on that later. Right now I want to tell you about the most sincerely kick ass book I have ever heard of.  Believe me , I have heard of quite a few books.

Amy Vanderbilt’s Complete Book Of Etiquette.

Published by Doubleday & Company., Garden City,  New York   1954.

Nineteen hundred and fifty fucking four!  You should also pay particularly close attention to this:

After adding the picture I realize that it my be hard to see, but rest assured brother the contents inside this assault of red Photoshop ink definitely say “Andrew Warhol”.

Keevy! you cant not possibly believe that this baboon,  Andrew Warhol and the Pop Art icon Andy Warhol are the same person!!

At first? No, I wasn’t sure. Therefore I had to ask Google.com and see what he thought.

He confirmed, Of course.

Though, all of this is extremely interesting, it is not the point.  The reason why I have this book is for words of wisdom like this:

    HOUSE DRESSES 

“It is far better to wear a simple, starched house dress, a clean one daily, if you must do housework, than to wear sweaters and skirts or wool or other dresses that must be dry-cleaned, unless you make up your mind to send them to the cleaners the minute the first spot appears (and if you are caring for young children, this may mean fresh outer cloths daily, an expensive proposition). There are now dark, winter cottons that can be styled like wool clothes, which are perfect for house work, topped, if necessary, with a sweater or wool jacket. You can make them in a becoming style, or have them made with matching bibless aprons and feel like a well dressed “lady of the house”’ no matter what dirty work you’re up to.”

You can’t even buy this wisdom, and it goes on about everything!!

Even military school slang, including Annapolis, and West Point.

*Where The Wild Things Are

You Want Me To Get That?

The best way I think I can spend my Saturday  is sitting at my computer doing  what the French call rien.  Except of course listen to Primus and stuff.

Lets see.

I will have more to say later.

Friday, September 11, 2009

Arrived With Out A Suitcase.

I’m sure that I have said it before, but you need to be reminded!  pearls before swine is nothing less then pure genius concentrated into a 3-5 panels of ink.

*grumbles* 

Again, I am tired, I went to bed around 9 pm last night, in a futile attempt to catch up on some amount of decent sleep.

I might be getting penetrated in the ass by a mechanic!

 

literally???  Surely not……  He cant be serious,  why would he tell somebody that?

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

I’ll Tell You Right Now.

I will destroy braviax!!

Do you know what braviax is? I hope not. Once you find out, its already to late.

Its been a while since I have spit some glory out on here. It will still take a while longer.  Work is putting quite the squeeze me.  But my dad always said” J J J Jason, London wasn’t made out of matchsticks.”. 

My father never said that, I don’t know if anyone has ever said that. I just made it up off the top of my head.

 

My laptop had a virus.

I slammed it,

i tackled it,

I restarted it,    Alot

I typed words in Google,

I downloaded stuff,

I destroyed braviax (notice I didn't capitalize it? Because it doesn't have to right to be a proper noun!)

And now laptop doesn't have a virus.

 

pwn

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Slap The Coke, and Enjoi The Joke

I am broke, tired, hungry, and with out cigarettes.

I have been patiently  waiting  all day for something Goddamned extraordinary  to talk about. All I have is an inclination that a there might be a wedding.

I think one of my cousins are getting married. not my real legit cousin, but just a girl I randomly see on holidays.  I'm  not even 100% sure that we are related at all.   I’m also not sure she’s even getting married,  all I have to go on is a pic of white dress in a facebook picture, and a very Bride-to-be-isque. comment from our mutual aunt.

  Now see me and the girl in question are not facebook friends.  There isn't a reason for it,  I just never cared to add her. I'm sure the feeling is mutual.

I will still call her a cousin though.  I got an idea!

I used to draw a lot and I when it came to drawing, I did it like a fucking war vet dreaming of his young days. 

But as time goes on and other things in life kind of sneaks its way in to your priority list. Before you know it your on choked slammed against a butchers meat table and forcefully  talked into  watching a peanut butter and jelly fight* for a little bit of overtime. 

But, let me tell you something! I would gladly take that type of abuse if I could only find the joy in things I used to do. Then maybe, just maybe, I  could pick those old habits back up again.

I’m sorry life doesn’t work like that.  

Its amazing how the least amount shit take a toll on your life.

*  “peanut butter and jelly fight” means what ever you want it to mean. i.e. “To watch two animals from two different critically  endangered species fight  to the death, or fornicate. Which ever would come first. or whatever you wanted.

2x mutual *giggles*

How About I Defragment Your Face!

It is about 5:30 am. Almost anyway,  I still have couple minutes.  I’m pretty sure that this is some type of anniversary of Naked Lunch by William S. Burroughs.  I don’t know if it is for the book or the movie. I imagine its probably for the book, since the movie hasn't been out that long *searches imdb*

Ok, so I imagine it is celebrating the book, because the movie was released in 1991.  And I am pretty sure that the book was published in 1959.  Haha we can all assume I knew that from the top of my head.  Anyway hats off to W.S.B.

I spend way to much time on YouTube. Honestly it is the saddest thing ever, but life goes on.

 

Disney bought Marvel comics!  Kind of sucks, but honestly I don't care.  Everybody has  got to serve somebody.*

Well my closet just made a intense noise,  and upon investigation, my light bulb  burnt out. **

 

*Bob Dylan song, featured on Sopranos soundtrack

** Creepy

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

These are Mostly lies.

After a better part of a day of looking at reviews and information, I decided to buy a novel,  of the graphic nature.  Both in explicit content (that I didn’t know about before hand) and the fact that it was a huge bounded comic book  

I need to back track…

4 days ago, I accompanied my humble roommate Alex to the mall so he could decide on a 59fifty black on black with white trim Boston Red Socks hat.  After some passive conversation with the Lids sales representative, three different 7 5/8” hats and my constant interjections that he would be better off with brand new Yankees hat*  he decided to pass on a hat at that point at time.  So with nothing left on the agenda we decided  to take stroll to the B&N  for a pair of mocha fraps and to secretly find out how they wrap their sandwiches so I can apply the same process to the sandwiches I make at work.  

Untitled-2

So as I semi-inconspicuously trying to poke my face over the display counter trying to steal a glance at their delicatessen machinery,  I simultaneously hear the  deep, low grumble of Alex, with a high contrast of 3 squawking college girls jabbering away, about every thing that that could be describe with words like “totally” “like” “she’s such a bitch!”  and “I got cramps”.  I found this hilarious. Alex did not.   

After less then 5 minutes of waiting, and a fruitless intel recon mission, it was our turn to order.  I stand at the counter, and being  fully aware of exactly  what I am about to order, I still recite the words in my head to make sure I that don't fuck it up.  I disguise this little trick by glancing at the menu  board on the wall for a couple seconds.  After enough time goes by and I feel confident that these next series of words will be executed with little to no flaws, I notice that the cashier lady is kind of Pretty. Which leads my mind to wander away from the task at hand and I passively  mouth the words, “tall mocha frap chino”. I walk by not  yet realizing my mistake. 

Next is Alex’s  turn, and honestly I don’t have any idea what he ordered I am too busy recalling everything that just happened in the last five minutes. Between  mindlessly zoning out and unintentionally staring  at the pretty-faced Starbucks employee  I hear the call “tall mocha frap chino” and realize I wanted a grande

I grab my  beverage and meander over to the graphic novels area, just to see if there is any thing worth looking at.   I saw it….

Bottomless Bellybutton.  written and drawn by Dash Shaw.DSCN1404

This 720-page 6" x 8.5" monochrome,Thirty dollar, softcovered monster caught my eye.  But I did not buy it for the money I had  was … I didn’t have any money, or at least I didn't have 30 buck to spend on a comic book. Distraught but not defeated, Me and Alex work out way back home.

When we finally reach home, I  allow my body to go limp as  I fall to the couch and be taken hostage by  a very eager air conditioned living room.   After a couple moments  contemplation on incredible things, I decide to research my new object of affection. As I skimmed though various Wikipedia pages and a massive publishing website, I discovered, though with no surprise, this was a well liked book. A lot of reviews claim its a magnificent  piece of work and should be read by every literate  human being alive. Not bad huh?

4 days later

I was slightly hysterical  when I found out that I had 80 dollars in my dead beat account. With out a skipping a beat Alex and I return to our old familiar journey to the mall!  Alex determined to by a Red Socks hat, and myself to own a really big book with pictures .

There really isn't much to say after this point.

Up until the point I finished the book….

 

After I finished the book,  I got to say I  was slightly discouraged.  Although, I was Impressed by the artwork, and the metaphors of sand and water and stuff, this book had nothing to offer me, especially nothing worth 30 bucks.

 

this took me four days to write and you should feel lucky and privileged  that I had enough ambition to finish itits not finished

 

CAQW366Z

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Nubs

Remember when you had and awesome conversation with somebody and you wanted everyone to read it?.

Hear it is. typos and everything

Susan says:
keevy..?
Keevy. says:
susan?
Susan says:
hi
Keevy. says:
Why do you appear to be offline?
Susan says:
i dont know
Keevy. says:
oh
Susan says:
weird
whats up?
Keevy. says:
looking for a song
and about to go to bed
lol
you?
Susan says:
*censored*.
you go to bed at 8?
Keevy. says:
not usually, but i gotta be at work at 6 in the morning
Susan says:
even when i had to be up that early i could never get to bed before 10
Keevy. says:
well as much as work owned me today, i donthtink it will be to hard
but im gunna tr to sleep around 9:30 ish
jsut to give it atry
Susan says:
its not that i didnt want to. it just never worked out for me that way.
Keevy. says:
well regardless what time i got to bed it going to suck
Susan says:
why?
Keevy. says:
its work, and its super early. and i got so much stuff i have to do
Susan says:
yeah..
Keevy. says:
but what ever
Susan says:
yeah...i need to get another job
Keevy. says:
think so?
Susan says:
yep
need more money
Keevy. says:
you could sell all your stuff on ebay
Susan says:
i have nothing to sell
Keevy. says:
you could sell your organs
maybe your hands?
Susan says:
yeah....
and then i could get money for disability
Keevy. says:
and you could learn to paint with your nubs, and people would feel so proud of you and how you overcame your personal defects. and you would be on the Today show and you would try to tell the story on how you lost your hands, but in the middle you would start to cry, but act like your not. because your STRONG! Then you would have every body in the world wearing t shirts with your face and nubs on the
front
and in big bold red white and blue letter it would read "Believe"
Susan says:
wow
i dont think i wanna have nubs
i think ill just have a baby and sell it instead
Keevy. says:
weirdo
Susan says:
anyway gotta go cuz im all done at *censored*.
talk to ya later
Keevy. says:
alright, ill check ya later
Susan says:
bye

Monday, August 24, 2009

My Face Hurts!

I don't have much time.  So I am going to spit some wisdom at you real fireball like. 

Nivea Active 3 ( apparently used as body wash, shampoo, and shaving cream) is the most squalid, disgusting pile of lies and disappointment  you could ever spend 5 dollars on!

Friday, August 21, 2009

Baby, Baby,Baby!

It is 8:33 am, and I am definitely feeling the burn of yesterday.  A lot of stuff happened yesterday, but the main thing I guess worth noting is I met the new asst. manager/director/black dude, George…Blast! I cant remember his last name, Hammond?  I don’t know, but the thing I did notice is that he bares a remarkable resemblance  To my old G.E. general manager, Bobby Godwin.

Not very interesting I know

I promised myself I wouldn't use this thing as an outlet to bitch, but god damnit I am really tired.

So. get this! I was Referred as a “Lifer” yesterday, a lifer as in a person dedicated to a job for life.  What the hell kind of Mickey Mouse shit is that?  I told them I was a “3 yearer”, let them suck on that for a while! But seriously this kind of pissed off.  I mean sure this isn't my first choice as a job, but it was all that I could get.

I’ll rant more about this laterDSCN1400

 

( 24 hours later)

8:34 am, and I fucking died last night!  Although I was able to fail at finishing a drawing. There is a lot about this picture I’m not happy with, but THE PEOPLE HAVE TO RIGHT TO KNOW!

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

A Simple Taste

It is 8:42,  I woke  up  at 7:30, and I don’t have to be at work until 10:00. Isn’t it funny how certain ideas seem so extremely genius  at night, but seem so fucking stupid after a nights sleep? I.e.  Waking up 3 hours before I have to work? 

But we all know that’s not the truth, the truth is, I’m just tired, and cranky as hell.  I am actually excited to get back to work, and hopefully somebody will be cooking lunch.   

Also, I am being accompanied by the angelic voice of Jeff Buckley, which is actually so far the best part about my day.

( 15 hours later…)

 

I am really tired and don’t want to type.  Watch this Monty Python video instead.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

A New Digital Transfer

Well… Today marked my last day as a free man, starting between  10 and 11 am,  I will be back to reprise my roll as “Aramark Work Horse Machine”. (trade marked)  So that means…. I don't really know if it means anything… no, not really. 

Im sure you have been Jonesing  for a little glimpse  of how day  paned out.  Well try this on for size.  I just found out that 44 year old Scottish, stage, television and film superstar Alan Cumming is currently the host of Masterpiece Mystery?!  Yeah! Crazy huh? In fact he has been since 2008! How did I not know this?  Well, such is life is presume.  Anyway I don’t really have much today.  Hopefully starting tomorrow, something will happen tomorrow to inspire me to type about.

Two people living in my house are sick, and now I am in fear for my life.

  

    I will elaborate more on that in a while, first I want to tell you about my awesome/weird dream. Well the later portion of it anyway, because it is easiest to describe.  
   It starts off with me hanging out in Keytesville  with Bobby Brown,  you know, the Grammy Award-winning American R&B singer, songwriter, dancer, and member the famed New Edition.   Anyway Mr Brown and I are cruising highway 5 between the junction at highway 24 and the high school, tipping jugs off 2% milk and dancing to some kind of trippy mix between techno and Native American war music.  When we see Missy Elliot and some very creepy stranger, that would always seem to be paying very close attention to something that was about about 2 inches to the right of my face.
     I flash forward Bobby Brown and Ms. Elliot are gone, and I cant see the stranger, but I know he’s still there.  I am a little kid now,  and there are at the least 100 other kids around me, and we are just hanging out and doing kids things, before we know it, an extremely loud bell fills the entire room and all the kids including me Scamper off in to a little room that reminds me a bath room that was at my old elementary school.
      Fast forward. 
  I am in the same room now but it is a lot bigger and completely red. Everyone is gone save for about 20 people, we are super old and something is about to kill us. I am looking around seeing everybody lounging in red recliners, and I notice that I know these people but i cant recognize them  ( I am sure you know what I'm talking about), and they are bat shit crazy.  I look to my side and there is this young lady that i also know but can’t recognize, but I do realize that  she is like some kind of caretaker, and she is about poison everybody except me.   She leaves the room for a while and I see that every thing in the room is red! like the chairs, the walls and everything.   the young lady comes back with red Kool-Aid and I know that this will be the instrument of death The young lady glances at me which only reinforces my presumption, but also to tries to warn me that the Kool-Aid is poisoned.  But I have to sip the red drink so I can convince everyone else to drink the tasty beverage, but make sure not to swallow it myself.
Then I wake up.

Anyway right now it is 1:03 am  every logical bone in my body is screaming at me to go to bed, but I don’t want to.  Starting next week I will be working again, but only this time my job will require me to be present and 6 o’clock  in the am.  This does not please me, especially since i have been spending the last 3 months pursuing my responsibilities of  going to sleep at 5 am and waking up at the modest hour of 2 pm. But! Frown not my Royal reader, for this year will be first year I will get out of the dreaded grill! 

    Now don’t get me wrong the last 2 years i actually enjoyed working  in that little 300 degree hell box of evil. I got to  hang  out by myself, eat food, and easily avoid all the people I didn't want to talk to, but as the school year  started to draw towards its end I was just getting completely sick of it.  I had no particular reason for it, that’s just how it goes. I am sure you know what I’m talking about. 

On another note,  You may have noticed that this is my second post on this web site. pretty fantastic huh?  Well after a long and very exhausting  conversation with my very delightful friend Jesse K, he suggested that I start using this website instead of that dreadful Livejournal. (I love you livejournal) so hear you go.

Well, after 29 minutes  of talking to no one, I am leaving.

Monday, August 17, 2009

An Amazing Monster

Congratulations, you have just witnessed the birth of a new outlet  for the byproduct of my brain. My plan is to use this medium to update myself and you about the current on goings of my life.