Wednesday, September 30, 2009

I Aaaaaaaaammmm!

I know, Its been a tiny little bit. Believe me though,the last bunch of days have been “hell on earth”. 

To bad its old news, and I don't feel like telling you about it.  But I will bring up one thing that I have noticed.

I noticed in the last couple years, there have been an abundance of visible butt cracks on women.  In addition to that, it still always catches me off guard. Its like a little midget jumping and screaming to get your attention, but when you  turn to look, you just see is the little fucker reading a book.  It drives me to utter insanity.

 

I have doodles!

DSCN1411

Its a WIP. And believe me, that is exactly what I look like.  Some kind of mix between a Tolkien dwarf and Harry The Hammer Arm*.

I don’t really have much to say, just wanted to testify to the fact that I’m still alive.

For now. 

 

 

* My arm reminds me of a hammer

Thursday, September 24, 2009

E.F.U.T

I have recently purchased  a brand new hoodie, and let me tell you something. The amount of comfort it provides is nothing less then pandemonium * 

While hauling goods across campus yesterday, I saw, what I assumed  was an art class sitting outside drawing landscapes, i.e. buildings and stuff. That was enough for me to go crazy and actually begin praying for some higher force to come sweep me up and deliver me home so I could do the same thing.  It was depressing.   Of course, 6 hours later, I come home, and decide I’m to tired and my brain couldn't possibly function well enough to endured a session of drawing.

  I have a million ways, to convince myself that I am not lazy.

  I intend on doing some this weekend though.  If nothing else, just to see how much my skill has fallen.

 

* Hurray for big words.

Do Not Use For “Wish To”,”Want To”, Or “Prefer To”.

Good morning.

Rain showers early with scattered thunderstorms arriving for the afternoon. High 71F. Winds light and variable. Chance of rain 60%.

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I can’t stand the morning, were it feels like 7 hours of sleep amount to  sack of marbles. Although in spite of that, and the fact that this day has a higher probability of sucking, I'm not going to let it bring me down.

Early mornings rule!

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Don't Give That Which Is Holy To The Dogs.

First things first, and this must be seen by everybody.

Do you know who Stephan Pastis is?  I bet you don’t.

He is the creator of seven year old (and still growing) comic strip Pearls Before Swine. 

You have the name, but why would you care?  Because, you are an intelligent, open minded individual that is constantly looking for more thought provoking Material.  Mr. Pastis offers this with a big musty bag of peanut butter and jelly fights*.

This is what you should do.

  1. Click this > http://comics.com/pearls_before_swine/
  2. Read it.
  3. Lean back and feel good.

Optional but recommended steps.

  1. Click this > http://stephanpastis.wordpress.com/
  2. Read it.
  3. Appreciate that fact that people still go out of their way to try to make your day better.

 

*  Refer to Slap The Coke, and Enjoi The Joke

(Capital “A” For “After” If First Line Is Omitted)

Good morning.  Partly to mostly cloudy with widely scattered showers or thunderstorms possible this afternoon. High 71F. Winds NNW at 5 to 10 mph. Chance of rain 30%.  It is early, and I am tired.

My new alarm clock Rules by the way!

255.6

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Never Anticipate The Possible Gains.

There are a lot of things that can be said about me. Although, I never permit is being called “unuseful”. Because its not a word. According to the red squiggly line.

Thank you

I used to box for Oxford.

Oh boy! holy shit, how  shitty has my last couple days been?

Shitty enough to block it from my memory, and as a result, I don’t have anything to tell you about.

Let us see.

Cloudy with a few showers. High 69F. Winds NW at 5 to 10 mph. Chance of rain 30%.

255

Last night when I was laying in bed, I felt like listening to A Perfect Circle, but now that I am up, I’m not really feeling it.

See you in Hell.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

259

Blogger informs you of the date, and time. Therefore, I shall tell you the weather.

Sunny to partly cloudy. High 77F. Winds NE at 10 to 15 mph. Tonight, Partly cloudy skies. Low near 55F. Winds NE at 5 to 10 mph.

Today is Friday, and with any luck at all, I can actually sit down and tell you about some things. That sounds awesome, but I wouldn’t bet the farm on it.  Haha. Nobody reads this. see you in eight hours.

Now it is Sunday night, and i have some shit to tell you.

Tomorrow

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Lights In The Sky.

Drive to work today.

Take Rangeline or Sixty Three.

Haikus are stupid.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Never Fly It Upside down Except As A Distress Signal.

    You may or may not have known that I am quite a fan of movies.   So to make things more concrete for me, I am going to write down a list of movies that I have not had the privilege of seeing, but graciously look forward to.

  • Persona

  • Vertigo dangerous

  • The Bicycle Thief

  • 3 Monkeys

  • Sessions Of The Mind………….              (maybe)

  • L'Âge d'Or

  • The Big Sleep

  • The Seventh Seal

  • Viridiana

  • Das Boot

  • Lawrence Of Arabia

  • North By Northwest

  • M

  • Box Car Named Desire

  • The Sting

  • Peanut Butter And Jelly Fight*

There are tons more, but I’m done with imdb right now.

More on that later. Right now I want to tell you about the most sincerely kick ass book I have ever heard of.  Believe me , I have heard of quite a few books.

Amy Vanderbilt’s Complete Book Of Etiquette.

Published by Doubleday & Company., Garden City,  New York   1954.

Nineteen hundred and fifty fucking four!  You should also pay particularly close attention to this:

After adding the picture I realize that it my be hard to see, but rest assured brother the contents inside this assault of red Photoshop ink definitely say “Andrew Warhol”.

Keevy! you cant not possibly believe that this baboon,  Andrew Warhol and the Pop Art icon Andy Warhol are the same person!!

At first? No, I wasn’t sure. Therefore I had to ask Google.com and see what he thought.

He confirmed, Of course.

Though, all of this is extremely interesting, it is not the point.  The reason why I have this book is for words of wisdom like this:

    HOUSE DRESSES 

“It is far better to wear a simple, starched house dress, a clean one daily, if you must do housework, than to wear sweaters and skirts or wool or other dresses that must be dry-cleaned, unless you make up your mind to send them to the cleaners the minute the first spot appears (and if you are caring for young children, this may mean fresh outer cloths daily, an expensive proposition). There are now dark, winter cottons that can be styled like wool clothes, which are perfect for house work, topped, if necessary, with a sweater or wool jacket. You can make them in a becoming style, or have them made with matching bibless aprons and feel like a well dressed “lady of the house”’ no matter what dirty work you’re up to.”

You can’t even buy this wisdom, and it goes on about everything!!

Even military school slang, including Annapolis, and West Point.

*Where The Wild Things Are

You Want Me To Get That?

The best way I think I can spend my Saturday  is sitting at my computer doing  what the French call rien.  Except of course listen to Primus and stuff.

Lets see.

I will have more to say later.

Friday, September 11, 2009

Arrived With Out A Suitcase.

I’m sure that I have said it before, but you need to be reminded!  pearls before swine is nothing less then pure genius concentrated into a 3-5 panels of ink.

*grumbles* 

Again, I am tired, I went to bed around 9 pm last night, in a futile attempt to catch up on some amount of decent sleep.

I might be getting penetrated in the ass by a mechanic!

 

literally???  Surely not……  He cant be serious,  why would he tell somebody that?

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

I’ll Tell You Right Now.

I will destroy braviax!!

Do you know what braviax is? I hope not. Once you find out, its already to late.

Its been a while since I have spit some glory out on here. It will still take a while longer.  Work is putting quite the squeeze me.  But my dad always said” J J J Jason, London wasn’t made out of matchsticks.”. 

My father never said that, I don’t know if anyone has ever said that. I just made it up off the top of my head.

 

My laptop had a virus.

I slammed it,

i tackled it,

I restarted it,    Alot

I typed words in Google,

I downloaded stuff,

I destroyed braviax (notice I didn't capitalize it? Because it doesn't have to right to be a proper noun!)

And now laptop doesn't have a virus.

 

pwn

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Slap The Coke, and Enjoi The Joke

I am broke, tired, hungry, and with out cigarettes.

I have been patiently  waiting  all day for something Goddamned extraordinary  to talk about. All I have is an inclination that a there might be a wedding.

I think one of my cousins are getting married. not my real legit cousin, but just a girl I randomly see on holidays.  I'm  not even 100% sure that we are related at all.   I’m also not sure she’s even getting married,  all I have to go on is a pic of white dress in a facebook picture, and a very Bride-to-be-isque. comment from our mutual aunt.

  Now see me and the girl in question are not facebook friends.  There isn't a reason for it,  I just never cared to add her. I'm sure the feeling is mutual.

I will still call her a cousin though.  I got an idea!

I used to draw a lot and I when it came to drawing, I did it like a fucking war vet dreaming of his young days. 

But as time goes on and other things in life kind of sneaks its way in to your priority list. Before you know it your on choked slammed against a butchers meat table and forcefully  talked into  watching a peanut butter and jelly fight* for a little bit of overtime. 

But, let me tell you something! I would gladly take that type of abuse if I could only find the joy in things I used to do. Then maybe, just maybe, I  could pick those old habits back up again.

I’m sorry life doesn’t work like that.  

Its amazing how the least amount shit take a toll on your life.

*  “peanut butter and jelly fight” means what ever you want it to mean. i.e. “To watch two animals from two different critically  endangered species fight  to the death, or fornicate. Which ever would come first. or whatever you wanted.

2x mutual *giggles*

How About I Defragment Your Face!

It is about 5:30 am. Almost anyway,  I still have couple minutes.  I’m pretty sure that this is some type of anniversary of Naked Lunch by William S. Burroughs.  I don’t know if it is for the book or the movie. I imagine its probably for the book, since the movie hasn't been out that long *searches imdb*

Ok, so I imagine it is celebrating the book, because the movie was released in 1991.  And I am pretty sure that the book was published in 1959.  Haha we can all assume I knew that from the top of my head.  Anyway hats off to W.S.B.

I spend way to much time on YouTube. Honestly it is the saddest thing ever, but life goes on.

 

Disney bought Marvel comics!  Kind of sucks, but honestly I don't care.  Everybody has  got to serve somebody.*

Well my closet just made a intense noise,  and upon investigation, my light bulb  burnt out. **

 

*Bob Dylan song, featured on Sopranos soundtrack

** Creepy

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

These are Mostly lies.

After a better part of a day of looking at reviews and information, I decided to buy a novel,  of the graphic nature.  Both in explicit content (that I didn’t know about before hand) and the fact that it was a huge bounded comic book  

I need to back track…

4 days ago, I accompanied my humble roommate Alex to the mall so he could decide on a 59fifty black on black with white trim Boston Red Socks hat.  After some passive conversation with the Lids sales representative, three different 7 5/8” hats and my constant interjections that he would be better off with brand new Yankees hat*  he decided to pass on a hat at that point at time.  So with nothing left on the agenda we decided  to take stroll to the B&N  for a pair of mocha fraps and to secretly find out how they wrap their sandwiches so I can apply the same process to the sandwiches I make at work.  

Untitled-2

So as I semi-inconspicuously trying to poke my face over the display counter trying to steal a glance at their delicatessen machinery,  I simultaneously hear the  deep, low grumble of Alex, with a high contrast of 3 squawking college girls jabbering away, about every thing that that could be describe with words like “totally” “like” “she’s such a bitch!”  and “I got cramps”.  I found this hilarious. Alex did not.   

After less then 5 minutes of waiting, and a fruitless intel recon mission, it was our turn to order.  I stand at the counter, and being  fully aware of exactly  what I am about to order, I still recite the words in my head to make sure I that don't fuck it up.  I disguise this little trick by glancing at the menu  board on the wall for a couple seconds.  After enough time goes by and I feel confident that these next series of words will be executed with little to no flaws, I notice that the cashier lady is kind of Pretty. Which leads my mind to wander away from the task at hand and I passively  mouth the words, “tall mocha frap chino”. I walk by not  yet realizing my mistake. 

Next is Alex’s  turn, and honestly I don’t have any idea what he ordered I am too busy recalling everything that just happened in the last five minutes. Between  mindlessly zoning out and unintentionally staring  at the pretty-faced Starbucks employee  I hear the call “tall mocha frap chino” and realize I wanted a grande

I grab my  beverage and meander over to the graphic novels area, just to see if there is any thing worth looking at.   I saw it….

Bottomless Bellybutton.  written and drawn by Dash Shaw.DSCN1404

This 720-page 6" x 8.5" monochrome,Thirty dollar, softcovered monster caught my eye.  But I did not buy it for the money I had  was … I didn’t have any money, or at least I didn't have 30 buck to spend on a comic book. Distraught but not defeated, Me and Alex work out way back home.

When we finally reach home, I  allow my body to go limp as  I fall to the couch and be taken hostage by  a very eager air conditioned living room.   After a couple moments  contemplation on incredible things, I decide to research my new object of affection. As I skimmed though various Wikipedia pages and a massive publishing website, I discovered, though with no surprise, this was a well liked book. A lot of reviews claim its a magnificent  piece of work and should be read by every literate  human being alive. Not bad huh?

4 days later

I was slightly hysterical  when I found out that I had 80 dollars in my dead beat account. With out a skipping a beat Alex and I return to our old familiar journey to the mall!  Alex determined to by a Red Socks hat, and myself to own a really big book with pictures .

There really isn't much to say after this point.

Up until the point I finished the book….

 

After I finished the book,  I got to say I  was slightly discouraged.  Although, I was Impressed by the artwork, and the metaphors of sand and water and stuff, this book had nothing to offer me, especially nothing worth 30 bucks.

 

this took me four days to write and you should feel lucky and privileged  that I had enough ambition to finish itits not finished

 

CAQW366Z