Thursday, October 22, 2009

Bag Clip

So how long has it been?

A week?

  Two weeks?

   It doesn’t matter because all I have on my brain right now is the god awful smell coming from my shoes! 

Imagine you are sitting in front  of your computer jamming out to Cisco Kid and all of a sudden Shitston,  The  Shit Monster from planet  Nombre*, which happens to be in the smack dab middle Shitamida comes up and punches you in the nose with a brick formed out of different  variety of shit from different shit producing animals around the universe.

The would be a close comparison to the funk I am basking in.

It hurts.

Things that I have noticed Today.

  1. My voice was not designed for singing.
  2. No matter how hard I try, my polite attitude at work is completely transparent.
  3. My room still hasn’t cleaned itself.

* I think that's French for shit

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

20268 98232

I was going to dedicate this rest of my evening to sharing the thoughts and feelings I have accumulated over the last several days, but I have wasted it on youtube once again.

Good job Keevy

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Position In The Weak.

I don't have much time, and I don’t really anything to talk about this morning, except that it is Thursday! 3 cheers for that. 

You probably knew this, but did you know Thursday was was named after Thor? In Old English, it is pronounced “Þunresdæg”. Meaning “Day of Thor”.

 

Now you know.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Sparkling Vanilla

It is 4:45, I am tired, cold, and sore.  It is raining outside, and Bret Favre is a large basket of pickled dicks! Not to mention I have an intense case of heartburn. 

So, just 20 minutes ago. While I was taking a shower, I got shampoo in my eyes, and just like any other morning, I had to take my shower blind.  So while I hang out in the shower not being able to see anything, I use my hands to find the soap, and my shark lufa and get the job done.  Of course after that I would tell myself “Hey you know what? I Think I could handle being blind. At least during the mornings.”  Feeling good about my little confidence boost, I used my sense of touch and find my tooth brush and paste.

I hold the tooth bush.

I squeeze the tooth paste.

I completely miss.

Saturday, October 3, 2009

Poor Fools Though I Was A Bush.

Today is Friday, and for the first time in seven days I feel pretty good. I own a pair of  headphones dubbed “The Skull Crusher”. Which is a fitting name  because they are giving me a morphine drip dose of  skull  crushing.

Not literarily of course.

Westboro Baptist Church come to town today. Along with a handful of other things, they are bitching about a play being held at Stephens.  I can’t remember the name of the play, but it was about that gay kids who was tortured and left to hang on a fence to die.  I think, that’s how it was described to me anyway.

Christians are crazy as hell.

There are things about me that I cherish, including patience,  my  Sylvester Stallone impersonation, and my alone time when I am taking a dump.  Because of this I do everything in my power not to use the faculties at work.

To many variables working against me.

But today was a horrible exception. After about 2 hours of fighting the chronic discomfort of bubble guts I bit the bullet and decided that the fight was pointless. 

So, as I briskly walk towards the locker room, paying close attention  to the placement of my feet, do to the greasy floors, and my noncompliant  footwear.

I cant remember where I was going with that, but the basic skinny of this story was a dude was taking a dump in the stall beside me. afterwards I couldn't figure out who it was because I didn't work with anyone that had the same shoes as the him.